Sometimes, real life can be stranger than dreams – I thought of XineGirl, Rachel, and Slowpoke first.
XineGirl, you like to write your dreams down, when you awake, so that you don’t forget any of it. I need to write this down before I go to sleep, so that I do not forget.
O.K. Firstly, let me say that this actually happened, and it was NOT a dream. I wish it had been a dream. It’s pretty long, but I thought it was funny (afterwards – not during).
So, tonight after the Miami vs. Baltimore football game, I and my mother went out to local restaurant chain for dinner. I don’t want to slander the establishment or staff. So, let’s call the restaurant ‘X’ and the waitress ‘Mary’. The following text in parenthesis () = I think to myself… Times are approximated.
We walk up to the hostess stand, and there are two staff members talking. I start to speak to the one closer to me – She turns and walks away. (HUH?) I ask the remaining staff member for a table for two. (Benefit of a doubt – perhaps the first staff member was a waitress – and does not seat people. Perhaps, the polite thing to do would be: “She will be happy to assist you, sir” – oh well.)
We are seated. A couple of minutes go by, and our waitress “Mary” takes our drink order. We both order these blue carribean drinks – Barbados Breezes. A few minutes go by, and Mary returns to take our order. We are still not ready to place an order. Mary leaves.
10 minutes go by. (Where is Mary? – I guess we should have had our order ready the first time she came by (lol)). I finally flag her down to place our food order. (It’s not that busy – and they appear to be full staffed, hmm?) We order a quesadilla appetizer, steak tips dinner, and a steak tip and chicken dinner).
2 more minutes and our drinks arrive. Geez, this Barbados Breeze is tart. I will not order this again.
10 minutes pass, and Mary returns with something that looks like a Mexican pizza. Mary leaves. My mother asks, “Didn’t you order a quesadilla?” I reply, “Yeah, whatever? It looks good. Let’s eat. I’m hungry”. I eat the second to last piece. [If you have any metal fillings in your teeth, have you ever eaten aluminum foil, by accident? Ouch!] Thinking that it’s foil, I pull a STAPLE out of mouth (Maybe I should have demanded my quesadilla (frown). Could you imagine if I swallowed a Staple????). Mary is walking by. I discretely flag down Mary that moment. She instructs me to take the staple out of hand and place it on dish. She will bring it to her manager’s attention.
10 minutes go by. Mary returns and asks me, “Do you want something else to drink, same thing?” (where’s the meals – I’m thinking?) I tell Mary I want something different. I want the pink drink, Pink Lemonade (like, the blue drink was not tart enough). (Hey, no mention about the staple or the manager, hmmm?)
5 minutes go by. Finally the food arrives – which is now luke warm – (probably too much time under the food lamp). Any way, it’s eatable.
A couple more minutes. Mary brings back a blue drink. “Hello, Mary, I order the pink drink”. She says, “Oh, yeah, my mistake you wanted something different, the pink drink – sorry”. She leaves. (We cannot stop giggling now.)
A few more minutes. Mary delivers my pink drink – Now, this drink is worse than the first. It’s barely pink – and taste like tap water. I don’t care. I just want to finish this meal and get out of here.
The table next to us calls Mary over. Apparently, she gave them an incorrect check.
30 minutes later. We finish our meal (what I am willing to finish). My mother has a lot of steak tips left over. Mary asks if we want anything wrapped up to go. (In my mind I am screaming and laughing why???????). My mother asks to have steak tips wrapped up.
5 minutes transpire. Mary leaves the check and a styrofoam container. Mary says that she did not charge us for the Quesadilla. (Yeah, they almost killed me!) Mary leaves. We look at the styrofoam container. The words “Garden Italian” are crossed out in ink. “Mother, you better check the container”, I suggest. My mother giggles under her breath, “It’s a salad”. Now, we can’t stop laughing. I look at the bill. It’s $62.00. Wait a minute. It’s not even our bill (lol). I am actually in tears now.
3 minutes later. Mary returns. We ask if can exchange the salad for the steak tips and get our correct bill. Mary says, “It’s just not her night”. (We both agree – Now, I’m thinking, it’s now our either).
Mary returns shortly. She exclaims, “Oh my god, it’s a credit card. I’m so glad you are my last table. I could use a drink after my shift”. Mary takes the card away. (I’m thinking maybe, she DID NOT need that drink during her shift – I’m guessing – no proof). I don’t think a drink could have helped her, one bit.
Mary returns for the last time. We thank her for the entertainment, and we pray that she has a better evening than she has been having.
What a way to spend an hour and half for a meal. I still can’t tell if my stomach hurts from: 1) all the laughing or 2) something that I may have swallowed (another staple). Minus almost chocking to death, it was pretty funny night. I don’t know if I will return.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Have Fun & Happy Georgering!
HMG in MAss,